I quit my dream job. I was slowly killing myself by being over worked, way over stressed,  and very underpaid for what I was qualified for. 

Let me give you a bit of the back story. I went back to school at age 40 to pursue a new career. As a funeral director. And it took me 7 very long and grueling years to become one.  After graduating with a BS in Mortuary Science, the next step in getting a license is an apprenticeship or internship. Each state has a different time requirement needed to obtain one. My first attempt was 6 months after graduating (and still living in Michigan). All I had to do was work 6 months as an apprentice, take a test, and the license was mine. After completeing 5 months, I realized that I could not continue to work for a family owned funeral home where I felt that I was asked to do unethical, immoral, and illegal acts. So I walked away. 

After 3 months of resetting my moral compass, I set out to find a new funeral home. My choices were becomming fewer and fewer. You see, the funeral service profession is a very small network of mostly legacy’s (family businesses) that is predominately a man’s world. And being a middle aged woman wanting to pursue this as a second career doesn’t quite fit the mold. At least for Michigan standards. 

So I went back to doing hair. I ended up starting my own business as a traveling cosmetologist going to nursing and assisited living homes, the homebound elderly, and even a few friends houses. It was great!  I made my own hours, was selective of my clientele, and made some decent money. I created an LLC and even had a brand name. And while doing all that, I even went back to cosmetology school and became a licensed instructor. 

Then life showed up and yelled “plot twist”! My hubby and I moved to Pennsylvania in October 2015. Knowing that this was a chance to hit the restart button, I applied (and received) my cosmetology license in PA, and researched what I needed to obtain my funeral director license. It only took 6 weeks and 2 interviews to land an internship with a traditional funeral home that also does cremations (they own and run their own crematorium AND service the whole state). Two separate companies,  ran in the same building, and sometimes by the same people. 

The first 3 months were awesome!  I was doing exactly what I wanted to do! And just like that, the honeymoon was over. I was moved into a funeral director position on the cremation side, but still an intern. The position I took over was suppose to be temporary (she went out on maternity leave).  I figure I can do this for 3 months, get the experience I need, and be able to move back into my original position and finish my internship with ease. 

Not so much. The funeral director never came back from maternity leave, and the funeral home didn’t (or wouldn’t) hire another director to replace her. Why would they? They had an intern. Me. 

So I stayed in that position. An intern doing the job of a licensed funeral director. Meeting with grieving families, going into contract with them, and even directing funerals. But that’s what an intern does. (As an intern, the state requires certain actions be done under the direction of a preceptor. And internships are done in a tradtional funeral home. Not crematoriums.) My preceptor was doing the best she could. But her hands were tied as well and we did what we had to do. So I worked about 50 hours a week on the cremation side and depending on the need, an additional 5-10 hours on the traditional side. So I could fulfill my requirements as an intern. 

At 9 months into my internship, I was very tired. More like exhausted. I slept less and worried more. I sat at a desk and computer and was a glorified paper jockey. Worrying about obituary timelines and getting it submitted on time.  Dealing with doctors to make sure they filled out the death certificate correctly so it could be filed during the allotted time. Making sure I have a licensed funeral director’s signature on all the appropriate documents to get a body cremated within a timely manner. Remembering to call the national cemetery and hoping to get the time slot the family wanted for their loved one’s miltary funeral. Did I call the honor guard and give them the correct day and time? Did the family receive their flag? And the urn. Do we have the one they want in stock or do I have to order it with rush shipping? Shit! Did I attach the photo when I submitted the obituary! UGH!!!

This was my job. On a daily basis. The cremation company as a whole serviced over 1,700 families last year (2016). One third was serviced at another location. The remainder were done thru my office. Just me and another director. On the average, we serviced about 20 families at a time- in different stages of the cremation process. An assembly line of families. This was my norm. 

During the holidays, the other director took off 3 out of 6 weeks for vacation. So it was up to me, the intern, to run the assembly line. My preceptor helped when she could, but she had to focus on the traditional families. And the owner would come in and help, but always on his own time schedule. It seemed the more I asked for help, the more resistance I received. More mistakes were made. I felt disdain from my supervisor and coworkers. I was doing the best I could. It was exhausting. 

My year long internship ended and I applied for my license. What should have taken a couple of weeks seemed like an eternity. During that time, the work load never eased up. I slept less. I felt defeated. Eight weeks later, I received the email that I was waiting for. I am now a licensed funeral director. 19 days later, I turned in my company phone and keys and walked away. 

Walking away was not my intent. I wanted to stay there. I loved certain aspects of my job. Other parts, I would have loved to have seen changed. Changes that I felt would have been positive, yet the owners and higher ups didn’t feel the need was warranted. I felt they should have invested more in their employees. They invested elsewhere. All they saw were dollar signs. All I saw was frustration. 

In the end, I got exactly what I set out to do, to get my license. I guess you can say I used them just like they used me. I’m not angry about it. I hold no bitter feelings toward them. Business is business. 

It’s been 2 months since I left the funeral home. Some days I wonder if it was the right decision. Then I remember how much better I am sleeping, how my body doesn’t ache from all the extra stress I no longer carry, and how my husband and I are happier. It was the right decison. 

Now what? Hubby and I are in the process of getting my passport renewed and planning a trip to Ireland and Scotland for our 25th anniversary this summer. Dabbled in doing hair again. Not sure if my passion is still there, but I have opporrunities if I so chose. Also working with a friend in HR on getting my resumé updated and sent to the right people.  

Patiently waiting for the right door to open with the job I am meant to do.