I am a plus size girl. Always have been and have conceded that I always will be. But that’s ok. It has taken me 45 years to love this body: every curve, roll, and stretch mark.

Every day when I walk out the door, in my mind I’m a size 6. But when I look in the mirror, I see a plus size 16 looking back at me. Don’t get me wrong, I have tried to lose the weight. Hell, I have probably lost 500 pounds over the course of my lifetime. By working out and watching my diet, I have proved to myself that it can be done. At one point I was walking up to 5 miles 6 days a week and lifting 15 lb free weights. And Clay has been my number one cheerleader. Thru thick and thin.

So why did I start and stop? This thing called life shows up and says “plot twist”! Then the next thing you know I either got sick and had to have a hysterectomy, then have my gall bladder removed, or my career took a change, or I decided to go back to school, or hubby and I had a chance to start over and we moved to another state. Pick one.

As I have gotten older, I have made a few lifetime changes in diet and lifestyle. Clay and I shop at our local Amish market, decreased our red meat intake and eat more fish, fresh fruits and veggies, and less processed foods. I take the stairs instead of elevators. I park and walk to places I need to go. I even gave up Coca Cola last year with no regrets.

Just last week, I decided that my addiction to sugar needs to get under control. So I decided that for the month of June, I am giving up all sweets. And that includes sweet tea, aka “crack” in my world. I know, to those of you that know me… shocker! I am on day nine of this “lifestyle change” and even though the cravings have subsided, it’s the comfort that I would get from indulging on the “forbidden” that I miss. Maybe I should just indulge in the adult liquid versions and call it a day. Oh wait, I already do that. Regardless if I am  successful this month with this challenge, I know I will still want and need to award myself with the taste of sweetness on my lips. And if lands on my hips, so be it.

So what I’m basically saying is that I know I have extra pounds to lose and even though I am making healthy and smart changes, I will still enjoy the indulgence of good food. Just maybe not as often as before. That I have accepted my plus size physique and flaunt it with all I’ve got. That I prefer to live in the moment and own the choices I make. That as much as I attempt to lose the weight, I will never look like Barbie. Nor do I want to.

At the end of the day, I know that I will survive the first famine. And I’m ok with that.